


Only Half A Blue Sky

by Hayat



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Crying, DON'T IGNORE TRIGGER WARNINGS PLEASE., Lots of it, M/M, On Hiatus, Please Don't Hate Me, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Harry, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sad Harry, Sad Louis, Violence, Ziam is kinda in the background, do read., please
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-02
Updated: 2016-09-16
Packaged: 2018-08-12 14:08:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7937599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hayat/pseuds/Hayat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry had always been kind. He'd always wished good on people and completely ignored people who didn't deserve his good wishes. However, every time Louis woke up in the middle of the night, every time Louis flinched away from anyone that wasn't Harry, every time he turned around and found Louis crouched in a corner, rocking back and forth, chanting "Get off me" and "Just kill me", every time Jay cried in his arms because 'her baby boy wouldn't let her hug him', every time Lottie and Fizzy went home with swollen eyes because "he just went blank, didn't even know we were there", everytime the boys just sat in silence because they were too scared of triggering Louis, he wished death on that monster.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, so I've been waiting to get invited on Ao3 for a LONG time. And I can finally post stories. Yay! So, this is obviously pure fiction. Also, I've sort of lost interest in stories that aren't AU but I started this already and I'm sort of proud of how it's turning out so far, so I decided to continue the story and post it. 
> 
> If you're reading this, I'm assuming that you've read the warnings. If not, please do. Just don't read it if you're affected by rape, non-con and violence. Also, there will be PTSD and self-harm and possible eating disorders later. This is a mess really. So, be careful. 
> 
> Please leave comments and kudos if you like this. Also, please do not copy this work or post it elsewhere. Thank you.

**Prologue**

Harry sat on the bed, knees pulled up to his chest, watching Louis as he slept. It was 2 a.m. and he'd been woken up an hour ago by Louis screaming in terror, fighting off a monster only he could see. Harry always called him a monster. What else could he name a man who'd destroyed all of their lives in the span of an hour? What should he call a man who literally sucked away Louis Tomlinson's will to live?

If they had thought their lives had sucked ever since they'd signed the contract in 2010, they were wrong. Nothing had prepared them for this. Yes, with the baby drama and everything, life had been horrid, but this...this one incident just turned their entire life around.

Harry had always been kind. He'd always wished good on people and completely ignored people who didn't deserve his good wishes. However, every time Louis woke up in the middle of the night, every time Louis flinched away from anyone that wasn't Harry, every time he turned around and found Louis crouched in a corner, rocking back and forth, chanting "Get off me" and "Just kill me", every time Jay cried in his arms because 'her baby boy wouldn't let her hug him', every time Lottie and Fizzy went home with swollen eyes because "he just went blank, didn't even know we were there", everytime the boys just sat in silence because they were too scared of triggering Louis, he wished death on that monster.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

  
It all started when I walked out of the washroom one evening to find a stranger in our bedroom. A fucking stranger. In our fucking bedroom. We had pretty tight security around the property. It should have been impossible but apparently, we underestimated the power of obsession.

  
That night changed everything. It changed me. It changed my life. It changed all my relationships, including the most important one. It changed my Hazza. It changed the way he looked at me, for a while, or so I thought. It changed the way we loved.

  
"Wha- Who are you? How did you get in?" I remember asking the man who had his back turned towards me. He whirled around with a wide grin on his face, but it was his eyes I noticed. They sent shivers down my spine. There was a certain gleam in those eyes, a madness there...and they haunt me to this day. You know what's worse? The monster had green eyes. Green.

  
"Louis! Ohmigod! It's really you. I have been waiting for ages to finally, finally meet you," he gushed.

  
"Wait. You can't-"

  
"I love you so much, Louis. And all those stupid girls, they have no idea that you're mine. But you are. You're mine."

  
I was stunned. This man, this stranger, had just waltzed past security and into my bedroom and here he was, claiming I was his. How?

  
"What do you mean I'm yours?" I spat. "Look, you-"

  
"Is that HARRY STYLES? Is that... Wait, the rumors are true?" he screeched.

  
I followed his gaze and realized that he was staring at a picture on our nightstand. It was a picture that left no questions to be asked. It confirmed everything. It was a picture of us at our wedding, kissing.

  
In that moment, I didn't quite understand what scared me more: a stranger being in our house or him finding out about us. That's how well they had drilled it into us. That's how screwed up everything had become. People finding out about it scared me more than a potential criminal being in my bedroom. If I'd known what was to come, there wouldn't have been a question.

  
I just stared at the man blankly. The way the rest of his face slowly morphed to match the madness in his eyes was the most terrifying thing I'd ever seen. "You are mine," he growled, making me jump. If he had been sane, I might have thought of fighting back but there is nothing more dangerous than insanity.

  
Finding my voice was a task, but I managed. "You should probably leave, yeah? I'll have to call in the guards otherwise. Maybe we-"

  
"Call the guards in? On me?"

  
I saw him raise his fist. I saw it. I could've deflected it. Looking back, it frustrates me to no end that I hadn't even moved. If I had, things might have ended differently. But I hadn't moved and the fist connected with my jaw, making me cry out before my back hit the bed.

  
I was still recovering from the blow when he climbed onto the bed and dragged me further up the bed with a painful grip on my arms. I remember hating my size but my thoughts were cut off abruptly by a loud thud and a sharp ache in my head. He'd bashed my head on the headboard. And he did it again. And again. And again. And I was nothing more than a ragdoll in his hands. When he dropped me back onto the bed, I was groaning in pain, my vision was blurry and I could feel a sticky wetness on the back of my head.

  
I don't know if it was a blessing or a curse that my phone started to ring just then. I reached for it blindly. The man reached it first. "Oh! Guess who it is? It's lover boy calling to check on my baby."

  
I snatched at his hands but my hands hit his chest instead. "Harr- Harry... Ha- Please..." I stammered. The monster, he just clicked his tongue off the roof of his mouth. "Nuh-uh. You don't get to speak to Harry. But I'm gonna be nice. He gets to listen in while we..." he trailed off, giggling and my heart sank when I realized what he meant.   
"No. No, no, no, y-you ca..you can't."

  
"I can. You can't, though. You can't do anything. And here we go..." I grabbed at his hands uselessly. He managed to answer the call and throw the phone away from me, onto the couch five steps away from the bed.

"Lou?" Harry's voice echoed in the room. A sob escaped me at the sound of his voice and I started to struggle against the man, who was sat on my stomach. "Harry! Hazza, help!" I shouted but the man didn't like me squirming. I gasped when he slapped me.

"Shut up!" he hissed at me.

  
"Lou? Louis, what's happening? Who's that?"

  
I opened my mouth but suddenly there was a knife pressed to my throat and a hand clamping down hard on my mouth and the man was grinning down at me. He removed his hand slowly and brought a finger to his lips, pressing the knife a little. "Louis! Answer me, love! Are you alright? Is that Stan? You guys are scaring the shit out of me."

  
The man's grin fell when Harry said "love". I gulped as he straightened up and got out of bed but he raised the knife to warn me. I nodded. I didn't know what else to do. I didn't want to die while calling for help. He started to pull off his clothes then and I couldn't help it. I was weeping, shaking my head from side to side, hoping he'd let me go. In the background, Harry was still asking questions and my heart broke for him. He was always so anxious so easily. Now, he was on the phone and I wasn't speaking.

  
The man climbed back into bed naked and kneeled down beside me. He picked up his knife and then, bending over, he whispered in my ears, "You're going to scream now."

  
My confusion lasted a second and then, there was pain. He had once hand clamped on my wrist and with his other hand, he dragged the knife up my arm, leaving a trail of blood. A scream was torn from my throat. I squirmed and struggled, slapped at his hands with my other hand but he was like a leech. Harry's screams on the other end merged with my own, making my head swim.

"LOUIS! Louis, where are you? What's happening? Louis!" he was yelling. His voice was breaking.

  
I tried to answer. I did. But the man moved his knife to my torso and this was nothing like anything I've ever experienced. He was literally carving lines onto my skin and flesh. I was unable to form words.

  
Thankfully, he tired of this 'game' after carving two gashes down my side. I wasn't thankful when he climbed on top of me, though. I pushed at his chest when he grabbed my chin roughly and kissed me. But I was too fucking small. He was too fucking big. I couldn't fight him off if I tried. He pushed into me dry, tearing me open. He had a grip on my throat. I couldn't even breathe, let alone scream. But Harry fortunately, or unfortunately, recognized the sound of skin slapping against skin, the sound of ragged breaths and my own desperate gasps when the man removed his hand. I heard him yelling something about guards and home and me being in trouble at someone nearby.

  
Black spots danced in front of my eyes as he thrust into me roughly. His nails dug into my sides likes claws. I couldn't believe this was happening to me. I had always believed that I'd be able to defend myself if I ever found myself in such a situation. But when you're lying there, your head split open, bleeding from too many places, your husband crying on the phone, you lose not only your strength but also your will to fight.

  
There is no worse feeling than this. As I lay there staring at the ceiling, involuntary whines and whimpers escaping me, I realized that I never wanted to face anyone ever again. I didn't want to meet Harry again. I didn't want to know just how much damage this one night was going to cause. I don't even remember thinking about it but suddenly, I was begging the man to kill me. Harry started to scream again, telling me that I had "plenty of reasons to live" and that I shouldn't "dare leave (him) alone in this world".

  
I wanted to tell him that he wasn't alone and that he'd never be alone. The man chose that moment to pull out of me, flip me over and push my face into the pillow as he entered me again. It's funny how a moment back, I was begging him to kill me but the moment he started to suffocate me, I was struggling to get out of his grasp. He didn't let me struggle for long, abruptly pulling me up by my hair. My back arched painfully and my scalp hurt. "Did you think I'd kill you, huh?" he said, his lips brushing my ear. "Nah. You're mine. I'm not killing you. You hear that Harry Styles. Louis is mine. I knew it. I knew sex with him would be mind-blowing."

  
"Who the fuck are you? Leave Louis alone! Y-you fucking monster, leave him alone!"

  
"Too late, lover boy. He's stopped fighting back now. Aww! Look, he's crying. Shhh, don't cry, baby. Even he knows that this is how it's supposed to be. Me and Louis. Louis and me. Don't you, Louis?"

  
It was at this point that I blocked everything out. I vaguely remember him letting go of my hair. After that, I just stared at the wall and let him do what he wanted. I don't even know what happened after that. Later, when I looked over my body, I saw injuries I don't remember him inflicting on me. To this day, I don't remember what happened before the guards rushed him and pulled him off of me but Harry says it's best I never remember. I don't know how it could be any worse than what had already happened but Harry insists it was worse. And if his PTSD is anything to go by, I believe him.


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to anyone who's reading this. I would like to know what you think about the story though. So, please leave some comments, as long as there is no hate.

**Chapter 2**

  
I was being prepped for a live interview for Dunkirk. Our first one, in fact. There were make up artists and hairstylists and technicians milling about but it wasn't tense at all. Gemma was there too, for moral support or something. There were no practised lines, no stories to sell, no secrets to keep. To say I was happy would be an understatement. And of coarse, I had to share my happiness with my Lou. That's how I found myself dialing his number with the biggest smile on my face as soon as the hairstylist said she was done with me.   
What I didn't expect was to hear some odd clattering on the other end. Confused, I called his name and frowned when I heard a loud sob in response.

  
"Harry! Hazza, help!"

  
And then, there was a smacking noise that sounded an awful lot like someone being slapped followed by a voice that said, "Shut up."

  
My blood ran cold. The next few minutes were the worst moments of my life. I sank down to the ground as I begged Lou to talk to me, as I heard him scream in a way I've never heard before and I held on to the phone as the unthinkable happened because I needed to be there for Lou.

  
The interview happened without me. I managed to yell some nonsense to Gemma who called Daniel and had him alert the cops. And then, things just kept getting worse and worse and I held on to the phone screaming at that monster, begging him to stop long after Louis had gone quiet and even when Gemma tried to pry the phone away from me. Because I wanted Louis to remember that I was still there, that I'd always be there. I was scared that he'd start begging to be killed again if I wasn't there.   
If I had known that he wouldn't even remember any of those moments, I wouldn't have listened. I would have cancelled the call because I did have to be strong for Lou. And because I held on, I couldn't be strong enough for him. How could I help him when I was so messed up myself?

  
While my co-actors were being interviewed, I was in a plane, having a panic attack with Gemma who was trying to calm me down but looked about two steps from having a panic attack herself. She was the one who had to make all the calls, contact the cops, send people to check on the security back home. It wasn't a long flight from New York to Los Angeles. It was a long flight from New York to Los Angeles that day.

  
It was seven the next morning when we arrived at the hospital. The fact that the rest of the boys had already arrived certainly didn't help because by the time we arrived, there was a large crowd camped outside the hospital, some concerned and some simply hoping to meet one of us. The sight made me feel something I never thought I'd feel. For the first time in six years, I hated our fans. I knew that they weren't all bad, even that a vast majority of them were wonderful but just then, I couldn't help generalizing them as a group of imbeciles.

  
We had to take several detours but soon, I found myself at the doorway to Louis' hospital room. The boys, including Zayn, we're in the waiting room and had all given us some much needed hugs before they let us passed them.

  
When I looked into the room, Louis looked so tiny and fragile as he lay on the stark white sheets, it felt as though he'd break if anyone so much as breathed. I brought a fist to my mouth and bit down on my knuckles but a sob escaped me anyway. He turned to look at me with haunted eyes and with some effort, he lifted his arms towards me, making grabby hands. That simple gesture made me sob harder for some reason. "Haz..." he whispered.

  
I wanted nothing more than to rush in and crush him with a hug but Gemma's hand on my back reminded me of the things she's told me about...rape survivors. So I entered with slow, hesitant steps, terrified of how he'd respond to my touch. I didn't think I'd be able to handle if if he were to be afraid of me. Which is why I was taken aback when Louis grabbed my hand the moment I was close enough and pulled me down harshly and buried his face in my shirt.

  
I returned the hug, relieved. "Lou..."

  
"Shh... J-just hold me p-please. 'm s-scared."

My heart thumped loudly in my chest when he said that. In all the time that I'd known Lou, he had never admitted to being scared, even when I'd catch him speedwalking down the empty corridors at home some nights.   
"You're safe, Lou. No one's g-gonna h-hurt you anym-more," I promised, tightening my hold on him protectively. I let go immediately when he hissed in pain.

  
Louis groaned as he fell back on the bed. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Lou. W-where does it hurt?" I asked, as the grasped the sheets covering his naked form and made to pull them down but a hand clamped down on mine before I could do so.

  
I looked up at Louis, startled. The pleading and terrified look on his face caught me off guard. I must have looked pretty crushed because he immediately spoke up. "Please, Haz. I d-don't... I can't..." was all he managed before he squeezed his eyes shut and turned away.

  
"It's okay, babe. It's alright," I told him even as the tears in my eyes spilled over. Someone walked over from behind and placed a hand on my other shoulder, Gemma's hand was resting on one, and it was only then, that I realized that someone else was in the room.

  
It was Lottie, and Fizzy stood behind her. They both looked like they hadn't slept in weeks. Lottie had makeup running down her face and Fizzy's hair looked like she'd been tugging on it repeatedly. I remembered belatedly that both of them had been in LA for the past two days. I could only imagine how they felt, considering the fact that Louis had all but begged them to stay at our place but they'd had plans with some of Lottie's friends, so they'd turned him down. My heart went out to them.

  
Louis lost consciousness then. I panicked for a moment before Fizzy told me that he's been drifting in and out of consciousness all this time and that the doctor had said that it was expected.

  
I sent Lottie and Fizzy away after that. They'd been there since the night before and could use some rest. They left with much reluctance. Lottie told me that Jay was on her way and would be there by nightfall. After they left, Gemma gave me a knowing smile and left the room. And then, it was just Louis and me.

  
Letting my eyes roam over the parts of him that were exposed might have been a bad decision. His head was wrapped in white gauge. There was a dark bruise on the side of his jaw. Every inch of his skin was bruised. I gingerly ran a finger over the finger shaped bruises on his neck.

  
Somehow, it didn't seem real. Things like this happened in movies and TV shows. Real life was supposed to be boring. And yet, here we were... I couldn't comprehend how someone could look at Louis' face and want to hurt him. How could anyone want to hurt someone like Louis?

  
About an hour or so later, Louis' eyes snapped open and he flinched so hard, I was worried that he'd hurt himself. Instinctively, I put a hand on his chest to hold him down but he only squeezed his eyes shut and whimpered, "Don't hurt me, please."

  
I scrambled back, feeling as if I had been slapped. I nearly overturned the chair I was sat in in my haste to get away from Lou. A loud beeping noise filled the room as Louis started to thrash on the bed and all I could do was stand, frozen in shock, as nurses burst into the room till Gemma came inside and gently led me out.

  
"Harry...?"

  
I looked up, startled, when Zayn addressed me. He was looking at me with so much concern that I didn't think twice before I hugged him. "Zayn! L-Louis... God! Zayn..."

  
"I know, Harry. Things are only going to be harder now," he said, calmly, as he patted my back. He must've felt me stiffen in his arms because he quickly clarified, "But we'll get through this. We're all right here, yeah? We'll be fine."

  
"Zayn's right, Harry. We've all agreed on moving to LA for as long as it takes for things to get better," said Liam from somewhere behind me. And then, Niall mumbled a "Yeah, mate." before he started sniffling again. For the first time since the phone call, I felt hope blossoming inside me.

  
Somehow, the fact that they were all here, that my family was here, made it so much better already. We brought Louis home the next day. He was still uncharacteristically quiet and would be for a while. It still hurt him to walk or even sit. He seemed more open to walking than sitting. He was still constantly in pain and didn't like being jostled even slightly. Which is why they had to sedate him for the ride home.

  
Also, the only person he allowed to touch him was me (and of course, the doctors). Jay had been shattered when she tried to hug him but he gently pushed her away.

  
He wasn't really ready to leave the hospital yet but news of Louis' hospitalization had made it to the social media and the fans were desperate for more information. On the ride home, Gemma told me that the boys were taking care of the media and whatever concerns our managers would have. She had taken it upon herself to make sure that the fucking monster got what he deserved. Good thing too because if it were me doing that, I'd be in jail for murder.

  
The moment we entered the house, Lottie pulled us in the direction of the guest room. When I looked at her quizzically, she leaned in and whispered in my ear, "This is your master bedroom now. No one's been in the other one since... We figured you wouldn't want to stay there."

  
And just like that, everything changed.


	4. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are always appreciated!

  
Chapter 3

  
I woke up with a start. It was one week after the incident. I didn't remember what I'd been dreaming about, just that it was scary. The room was still a little dark and I was alone. I was all alone and it was dark and it was scary. "Harry?" I whispered.

  
No answer.

  
I sat up, clutching the covers around me. "Harry?" I called, a little louder. There was a second of silence and then, Harry spoke from the bathroom. "I'm in here, Lou. Just a minute, please."

  
He sounded tired...and sad, but mostly tired. It made feel terribly guilty. It had to suck having to look after a grown man as if he was a baby. Steeling myself, I got out of bed and walked to the window. It still hurt a bit. I pulled the curtains aside, squinting as the bright light invaded the room.

  
I heard the sound of bare feet against carpet behind me. "Lou? I could've done that, love," he said, gently. But when I turned around to face him, I could tell he was lying. He was pleased that I'd got out of bed. _He doesn't care. He doesn't want to look after you._ I blinked. I hated when this happened, when this voice inside my head planted doubts in my mind.

  
"It's alright. I'm not a dying," I snapped. Something akin to terror crossed Harry's face. It was gone too soon. He nodded, playing with the sleeves of his jumper awkwardly. "You can use the bathroom. It's free... Uh. Obviously."

  
In that moment, I was reminded of the sixteen year old boy I'd fallen in love with. He just looked so lost and shy. I walked around him and into the bathroom.

  
Five minutes later, when I stepped out, Harry was still standing there and staring at his feet. I frowned. What was up with him? "Haz?"

  
Harry jumped when I called his name. When he turned to face me, his eyes were wide in fear. He masked the expression fast enough. "Oh, you're done!" he exclaimed. He was probably going for chirpy but his voice was unusually high and didn't sound quite right. "Breakfast is probably ready. You wanna go out there? O-Or we could... uh, wait for Jay to bring us breakfast, if that's what you'd like."

  
"Can we stay inside?" I asked and his mask cracked once more as the corner of his lips turned down.

  
"O-okay," he said, not quite looking at me as he helped me climb back into bed and wrapped the blanket around me. He climbed in as well and let me cuddle against his chest. It always calmed me when we did this, his steady heart beats anchoring me to the present.

  
Absently, I wondered if Harry had been like this only today or if been this way all this time and I hadn't noticed. Mum appeared at the door a while later, knocking gently to let us know she was here so as to not startle me.

  
That was something that had happened before. She had walked in on the first morning and Harry had been in the kitchen. She'd startled me so badly that I'd locked myself in the room the entire day. That probably wasn't the right thing to do because when Harry finally got me to open the door, he had looked like he'd seen a ghost.

  
She walked in with a smile. She paused at the foot of the bed to look at me. "Sleep okay, love?" she asked.

  
I nodded even though I didn't. She knew the answer anyway. Shouldn't have asked.   
Placing the tray of breakfast on the nightstand, she ran a hand through Harry's hair who smiled up at her. "Thanks, Jay."

  
"It's nothing. Make sure my baby eats alright?" she said, and started for the door once Harry nodded.

  
"Mum."

  
She turned around, surprised. I don't know what it was but something about the way her smile failed to reach her eyes made me want to spend some time with her. Make her happy. It's what I've always been doing. It was my responsibility.

  
"Will you stay? Have breakfast with me."

  
There was a sharp intake of breath and both Harry and mum doze for a while. When they managed to compose themselves, mum smiled and said, "Sure, love" and Harry got out from under me. "I'll give you two some time alone, if that's okay with Lou," he said, his eyes darting to my face.

  
_He doesn't want to be near you. He's disgusted with you. Who would want you after what happened?_ I gulped and looked up at Harry. Did he really not care? Even though all these doubts were in my head, I found myself whispering, "Okay."

  
Harry kissed my forehead and left, leaving me alone with mum and the voice inside my head.

  
****

  
I was relieved when Louis allowed Jay to stay with him. It's not that I didn't care about Louis. Of course I did. I loved him, still do. But I hadn't slept in a week. There were deep purple bags under my eyes.

  
Also, I'd left all the legal and PR work on Gemma and the boys. I needed to get an update on what was going on. Louis seemed to have conveniently forgotten about "Freddie" and Briana and Danielle but those were very real problems and had to be dealt with...fast.

  
Lottie eyebrows nearly vanishes into her hairline when she saw me walk out. "Mum's still in there," she said.

  
"Yeah."

  
"Will he let me stay, do you think?"

  
"Let's not overwhelm him, yeah?"

  
"Okay." She sounded upset and I felt a little bad for her but there wasn't much I could do.

  
"Is Gemma here yet?"

  
"Oh yeah! Yeah, she is. I was supposed to tell you. She's in the living room."

  
I ruffled her hair, with earned me a snack on the back of my head, and headed to the living room. Gemma hugged me as if she hadn't seen me in years although we'd been seeing each other everyday since the incident. That worried me a little, so I rocked her back and forth a bit.

  
When she pulled away though, she was smiling.

  
"Everything alright, Gems?" I asked her.

  
"Everything is great! I have news for you," she said. I wanted to tell her that that actually sounded scary but before I could open my mouth, she blurted out, "Freddie Reign Tomlinson officially doesn't exist anymore. Paternity test came negative is the narrative.  And Danielle officially cheated on Louis and it lead to a horrible break up which is why he isn't out much anymore. He's nursing a broken heart. I know Louis will still have to answer loads of questions later on but this was the best we would get."

  
I gaped at her for a moment before a surprised laugh escape me. I felt so much lighter just then. Felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of me.

  
"How did you manage that?"

  
"Oh no, I did nothing. You'll have to call your lawyer and thank her, hmm?"

"Sure, Gemma but... I still can't thank you enough for everything -"

  
"Harry! Stop it, I didn't so it for you. I did it for Lou, okay? Don't flatter yourself, kiddo. You know I love Lou more than I love you," she teased, grinning a little wildly and I couldn't help but laugh at her, even as my chest filled with warmth at how well my entire family got along.

  
"Oh, I nearly forgot to tell you. Mum's in LA. So, Jay can go home to her kids whenever she's ready," said Gemma and I felt all the warmth seep out till every part of me was painfully cold. Mum was going to be here and I don't know why it scared me a little. Motherly instincts are scary things.

  
****

  
It was cold. Very cold and I was freezing. The duvet had somehow ended up on the ground but I refused to move. Because from where I was sleeping, I could see the doorway very clearly. The door was open and there was light streaming in. And there was someone standing there. Just at the door.

  
I gripped Harry's arm which was wrapped around me. The person was now moving towards us. One step. Two steps. Three. The light hit his face and I screamed. _He's back. He's back. He's going to kill you. He's going to kill Harry too this time._

  
Suddenly, he was on top of me, his face inches from mine and that magic grin on his face that was etched so well info my memory. His green, green eyes right in front of mine.

  
My hand automatically reached for Harry and he wasn't there. _He doesn't care. He's left without you._ The monster held a knife in front of my eyes and I screamed again, thrashing against him, hoping to loosen his grip.

  
But then, his hands were on my face, patting my cheeks. Wait, that wasn't right. His hand was still twirling the knife in front of me. But they were on my face and then, on my hair. Gentle, soft hands, stroking my cheeks and combing through my hair.

  
I stared into his eyes, confused. They were different now. Almost...feminine? "Louis! Louis, you're okay," a definitely female voice said and I gasped as I came back to reality. It was only a nightmare. Only a nightmare.

  
Anne hugged me tightly, ignoring the way I flinched. I stiffened at first but then, I couldn't help melting into the hug. She stroked my hair and rocked up back and forth and I sobbed quite loudly in her arms.

  
"It's okay. Shhh... It's alright. You're fine, love," she said, pushing me away gently. "Alright?"

  
I was still shaking but I nodded. "Think you'll be okay if I go check on Harry for a minute?"

  
That definitely got my attention. "H-harry?" I asked, meekly, as I turned towards where Harry had been sleeping.

  
He wasn't there on the bed.

  
But he was there huddled on the floor in the corner of the room. He had his palms clapped over his ears, his eyes clenched shut, tear tracks on his cheeks and was rocking back and forth.

  
Harry wasn't here. Not really.

  
****

  
"I'm fine, mum," I said, for what seemed like the hundredth time. But she wasn't giving up. She wanted me to go for therapy. Like... Really? Louis needed me right now. He still had nightmares and would probably do so for a long, long time. He still looked for me when the room got too crowded, still clung to me like a child when he got anxious.

  
Louis needed me.

  
And I didn't need therapy. I _couldn't_ need therapy.

  
Jay had left two days back, a day after we got the news of the end of the two stunts. Louis was happy that day and even joked around with Lottie before she left with their mum.

  
My mum moved in here just before Jay left. And from the minute she stepped in, she'd been stealing glances at me as if I was hiding something from her. It made me extremely uncomfortable. Unfortunately, last night she was proven right. And now, she wouldn't leave me alone.

  
"Harry, stop being stubborn! You cannot pretend you're fine, not after I saw you last night."

  
"Mum!"

  
"No! Listen to me! Louis was on the bed, ready to tear his own hair off, thrashing about like he was drowning. He wasn't even breathing when I got to him and you, Harry, were having a flashback of your own in the same room. Two of you there, unable to help each other. How is this helping anyone?"

  
"Mum... " I said again, but this time there wasn't a real protest behind it. She was right though, wasn't she?

  
But I couldn't do it. Who would look after Louis for the hour or so I'd be gone on my scheduled days? What if the therapist was a wacko too? What if something went wrong? What if Louis got attacked while I was gone?

  
"Harry," said mum, gently pulling me out of my morbid thoughts. "Love, I'm not saying that this is something you have to do right away. Although, the sooner the better. Even then, accepting that something is wrong with you and that you do need professional help is the first step. Once you do that, we can give it some time for you to get comfortable with the idea and then, maybe we can go see someone. How does that sound?

  
I wanted to say that no, I don't think I need help. I wanted to throw a tantrum and tell her that she was overreacting. But a part of me knew she was right. So, I found myself nodding instead.

  
"I do need help, mum."

  
****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers! I'd really love to know your thoughts on my, story. Any input is welcome. If you've got the time, do leave a comment because that's what motivates me to keep writing. Thank you.


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